anxiety 5 min read

Anxiety for me came out of nowhere, I am ready to share my story now

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"It's a long story but it does have a happy ending. I've never shared it before but I'm ready to now.

My name is Kelly, and anxiety for me was something that I just started to develop out of nowhere. I started to feel a dramatic loss of appetite and generally a fuzzy feeling in my stomach, as well as constantly overthinking everything.

My work was quite intense and commission based, so each month my targets were reset and I started from scratch. If you asked me back then how to describe how I felt I would have probably just said I feel a bit sick.

I started to lose weight, which at first was not a big deal as I had a little bit to lose.
That's when I started to experience panic attacks. My heart would start to race, my palms would be sweaty and I would feel very much out of breath.

The second time it happened I was scared and I called an ambulance. My heart was at 180bpm resting and that was the first time I had encountered something like this. I don't even know what caused it, whether it was pressure from work, my body image, relationship issues. I still do not know what really triggered it. I saw a doctor and he dismissed me and said I was fine.

The anxiety got worse, and now I was also terrified of having another panic attack. Within a week I left my job, too scared I'd have another attack while driving. (This was to be the only period I was unemployed since I was old enough to work until I went into labour with my daughter). So I lost the independence driving allows too. I lost another 4 or 5kg. My family were whispering about eating issues. I overheard my partner at the time telling them "she's throwing up again". My parents neighbour approached me to tell me I was worrying them and they'd told him they "just couldn't get me to eat."

I went to my GP. The first thing he told me was how great I looked. I was by this point underweight. I told him what had been happening and how I felt and he said "but you look so good, you look like a supermodel" again I was apparently being ungrateful for the ‘gift’ I'd been given. After some pressure from my ex-partner he took some blood and sent me on my way. He later called to tell me I didn't seem dangerously malnourished and my thyroid function was fine and I should take some vitamins.

Still nobody had mentioned anxiety. I felt like some kind of fraud.  Because I wasn't malnourished it must mean I was exaggerating not being able to eat. I was broken. I thought that was it. I was just going to feel like this forever.

My friend said she knew a doctor that would at least "give me something for it" and she took me there. She was right. The doctor didn't say much, it was pretty clear he thought I was seeking something but he was OK with that so he gave me things to take and sent me on my way. They didn't do very much. I never remember feeling normal again while I took them.

I lost more weight and people were making comments about how my bones stuck out and I'd gone too far. People would stare and make comments to each other if I was ever out and I get why. I looked like I was on something. My hair was thin, I had dark stressed eyes and I was jittery. This had been going on for around six months now and by now it had taken my independence, my career, my health and a lot of my friendships.

Then one night I decided to drink some wine and I got a bit drunk and for the first time I actually felt relaxed. It was so good that the next day I had some more and it worked again and again and again. What followed was a downward spiral that would last about 2 years. During that time I split with my partner and lost quite a number of friends. No one had signed up for this. I was an absolute mess making one bad choice after another.

I finally came accross Clear Minds and contacted them to try and get help for my drinking problem. This was when I first started my hypnosis journey. This is where I learnt about anxiety and panic attacks and managed to break my dependence on alcohol and also overcome my crippling anxiety. I also used some of the therapy sessions to get back my confidence.

I had not been drinking for long and I got this under control quite quickly but as I did I noticed my anxiety became much worse again. The Clear Minds team sent me a session they had created that helped eliminate anxiety and I listened to it each night for around a week.

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. I started to finally feel like me again. I wanted to do things other than sit in front of the TV and hide away at home.

To this day I still use a number of Clear Mind sessions and from time to time still touch base with the team. I have since recommended countless friends and will always be grateful for how it helped me.

That all happened almost 3 years ago and my life now is blessed with a very good man and a beautiful baby girl. I got some of my old friendships back on track and I made some new ones. For where I am now I'm thankful my life took me here but no one should have to go through all that. Most of it didn't need to happen.

I know things happen for a reason and I am grateful for everything. All I can say is that I wish I had found Clear Minds earlier in my life.

Anyway if you've made it this far thank you for taking the time to let me tell you my story. I'm sure it's not unique but it is mine and I've never told it before so thank you."

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